The meltdown

Okay so today is long run day...

The further I get into this marathon training the less I am liking running. Well not all running - long runs. Today I had a meltdown mid run. There were tears and pouting and whining and more tears and lots of fears and sadness and a whole lot of what the hell am I thinking??? This meltdown came halfway through the run and damnit I couldn't quit because I was like 5+ miles from my car and had no money for a taxi (note to self...carry cash on run for said emergency need). I was going to ask the homeless guy on the corner for some cash for a cab, but my running buddies told me no.

So what was this meltdown all about? I run. I run 6 days a week. I do speedwork. I do base runs. I do long runs. I have been running this way since Januaryish.  I feel stuck. I am still ridiculously slow. I haven't lost any weight. It hurts. It just isn't natural for me. I want to quit. I don't know if I can do this marathon thing. How can I can from the measly 12ish miles I am going now to 26.2 miles by November 11? What was I thinking? I am terrified.

It is so difficult to look back and see how far I have come. I do remember when running 30 seconds was unthinkable...and 5 minutes seemed unattainable...a 5k? Not this girl. Now I am running 10 miles...12 miles...and next weekend I will take on my very first ever 1/2 Marathon. It isn't going to be pretty nor will it be speedy in any way, shape, or form, but I have no doubt I will finish.

Bless those souls that ran with me today and kept me going. Your words of encouragement and 'we've all been there' did not go unnoticed. Thank you.

I hope my next entry shall be a little more light...
Runger. It does exist.