As this thing called a marathon get closer and closer and oh my God closer to actually happening I am reminded almost daily how incredibly terrified I am.
Running is hard. Running is really hard for me.
Running is physically hard. Running is emotionally hard. Running is mentally hard. My head is playing tricks on me. It is telling me this is an impossible endeavor. It tells me I am too slow. My head tells me I am too fat. My head tells me running is not my thing...this is not your mountain to climb...this is for other people...this is for the gazelles, not the rhinos. Some days I believe my head. Some days my head wins. Many days my head wins. I think maybe I should just do the half? I can do the half and I won't have to go do an 18 mile training run.
I dread the long training runs. Seriously dread the long runs. I hate the long runs. I start getting nervous about Wednesday about the long run I will have to do that weekend. It is awful. It is Wednesday and it is starting. I am thinking about this weekends long run. I need to do 16+. I have to do 16+. If I can do this. I am fairly certain I can do the marathon.
Okay this is a shorty, but I wanted to put it down while I was thinking about it. I am sure there is more. I may post more. Okay now I need sleep.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
The best laid plans...
Of Mice and Men often go awry and so do my long run plans some days.
Let me start with last night.
Last night I got to wish a good friend well wishes on her upcoming move. She is such a beautiful person inside and out and I am going to miss hearing her stories and sharing running and tri stories both triumphs and tragedies with her. The one thing I won't miss sharing with her...duck itch. I am soooo over it.
This morning was supposed to be my long run and that is all I will say about that.
On a positive note I was very productive and me and St. Anthony found a few lost items and I tried my hand at canning tomatoes. I have canned before, but never tomatoes. The garden was bursting at the seems with amazing and beautiful and ripe tomatoes. Way more than a family of 15 could eat in a week. So what do you do with them? Lets can those bad boys so in the dreary throws of winter we can have a little taste of summer.
First of all it really isn't a difficult process to can anything. I enjoy it. I am still enjoying pickles my girl friend and I made last summer and I have been known on occasion to make mint jelly when I have more than my mojito consumption can use. But please for the love of all that is holy if I ever tell you I am going to can tomatoes again please make sure I am not canning 5 billion grape tomatoes which is what I had to work with today. So this simple process took about 3 times as long as it should have had I used regular sized tomatoes.
Let me start with last night.
Last night I got to wish a good friend well wishes on her upcoming move. She is such a beautiful person inside and out and I am going to miss hearing her stories and sharing running and tri stories both triumphs and tragedies with her. The one thing I won't miss sharing with her...duck itch. I am soooo over it.
This morning was supposed to be my long run and that is all I will say about that.
On a positive note I was very productive and me and St. Anthony found a few lost items and I tried my hand at canning tomatoes. I have canned before, but never tomatoes. The garden was bursting at the seems with amazing and beautiful and ripe tomatoes. Way more than a family of 15 could eat in a week. So what do you do with them? Lets can those bad boys so in the dreary throws of winter we can have a little taste of summer.
First of all it really isn't a difficult process to can anything. I enjoy it. I am still enjoying pickles my girl friend and I made last summer and I have been known on occasion to make mint jelly when I have more than my mojito consumption can use. But please for the love of all that is holy if I ever tell you I am going to can tomatoes again please make sure I am not canning 5 billion grape tomatoes which is what I had to work with today. So this simple process took about 3 times as long as it should have had I used regular sized tomatoes.
Aren't they pretty? This is way in the beginning and there is a huge dish of them in the sink waiting to be peeled.
All of those bagillion tomatoes and I get four stinkin' jars? Really?
The finished product.
Wait...how did that glass of wine get in there? I swear it's not mine.
Okay, it is mine.
So post canning I did get in a base run around my neighborhood which is so not the long run I was thinking I was going to do, but I am proud of myself for getting out the door and getting some pavement into my life today.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
The post race follow up - ARC 1/2 Marathon
Saturday was my first half marathon - almost.
First of all I was feeling crappy. Running while hosting a mucus sinus party in my head is not fun...racing while these shenanigans are happening is torturous.
The race started at 9am which is later than I usually start a long run and it was sticky. I am talking Florida humid sticky yucky. One mile in and I was sweaty. Only 12.1 more to go. Out past the dog park and onto the road. I have never run this part of the race before and I was surprised at the hills. No, they are not like the hills in the Boilermaker, but there were a few hills none-the-less. By mile three I am pretty much at the back of the pack, which is where I usually hang out, you know strategizing and plotting my takeover of the other stragglers and old people. I was hurting by mile 5.
I think I forgot to mention the weather people said we were going to get some storms and they had the potential to be nasty. So I am chugging along second to last and the cops are driving around...maybe they are the EMS I don't know they had lights and were in a suburban the possibilities are endless. There cold have been a rash of vandalism at the water stations, again I am not sure. The point is they slowed down and told me the race directors are getting very nervous about these storms and really want people back in the park and off the roads...wait for it...they ask me if I want a ride back to the dog park (it was probably about 3/4 of a mile to a mile from where I was). I said nope, no way, no thank you, not gonna happen. These short legs are going to take me until I either fall over or you force me to leave the course.
Back in the park I keep chugging away and going forward...slowly...but I am still not last, unless that pesky person in the back hitched a ride with the people with the flashing lights in the suburban. Curses, I might have been last, but hey it wasn't to bad back here. I mean I have the water stops to myself.
Over to Willow Bay. Now many people have already finished the race. My coach is done and enjoying some calorically ladened junk food. Down to the turn around...wait are those people in front of me that I might pass? Yes I think they are. Turn around and back. One more leg to go. Eight plus miles in and I am not quite dead yet. I hurt. I am exhausted. My head wants to explode. I keep going. It starts to rain.
I never saw lightening nor heard thunder and it was a chilly rain, but now I am truly badass...running my first half marathon in the rain. Oh yeah. In the park we have bike EMTs. I see a few of them riding around and I am sure they want to make sure I am not going to drop on the side of the road and need an IV or resuscitating or anything like that. They have been circling me like sharks circling a wounded whale since about mile six. Wait are they speaking to me? When did sharks learn to talk...wait am I hallucinating? They are talking to me. They are telling me the race directors are calling the race and I am to head to the finish line and not do the West Trail. WAIT WAIT WAIT...WHAT? Must pass the people in front of me. Must pass the people in front of me. Must pass the people in front of me...even if the race is shortened. I pass them.
I am only at mile eight something. I head back to the finish line. I cross the finish line so I guess technically I am a finisher even with only going nine something miles. There seemed to be quite a bit of confusion about the race being called, but it is what it is. Funny thing is people were surprised to see me. Well of course they were. It is just over two hours and I am across the finish line.
In a way I was relieved it was shortened for me. I wasn't feeling it. It was a really hard run for me. I am exhausted mentally, physically and even emotionally. Training for a marathon is difficult - no it is really really really hard, especially for me being such a slow runner and it sucks most days. I am losing my motivation and just want this to be done. I am not even sure I can do 26.2. Self doubt is everywhere. I hate it.
On a positive note speedwork today felt pretty good and any good run at this point I will take.
Oh remember the people I worked so hard to pass at the end of the race? When they crossed the finish line (they weren't too far behind me either) everyone started singing Happy Birthday. Yep one of the runners it took me 8+ miles to pass was celebrating his 80th birthday. Yep, I am just THAT badass.
First of all I was feeling crappy. Running while hosting a mucus sinus party in my head is not fun...racing while these shenanigans are happening is torturous.
The race started at 9am which is later than I usually start a long run and it was sticky. I am talking Florida humid sticky yucky. One mile in and I was sweaty. Only 12.1 more to go. Out past the dog park and onto the road. I have never run this part of the race before and I was surprised at the hills. No, they are not like the hills in the Boilermaker, but there were a few hills none-the-less. By mile three I am pretty much at the back of the pack, which is where I usually hang out, you know strategizing and plotting my takeover of the other stragglers and old people. I was hurting by mile 5.
I think I forgot to mention the weather people said we were going to get some storms and they had the potential to be nasty. So I am chugging along second to last and the cops are driving around...maybe they are the EMS I don't know they had lights and were in a suburban the possibilities are endless. There cold have been a rash of vandalism at the water stations, again I am not sure. The point is they slowed down and told me the race directors are getting very nervous about these storms and really want people back in the park and off the roads...wait for it...they ask me if I want a ride back to the dog park (it was probably about 3/4 of a mile to a mile from where I was). I said nope, no way, no thank you, not gonna happen. These short legs are going to take me until I either fall over or you force me to leave the course.
Back in the park I keep chugging away and going forward...slowly...but I am still not last, unless that pesky person in the back hitched a ride with the people with the flashing lights in the suburban. Curses, I might have been last, but hey it wasn't to bad back here. I mean I have the water stops to myself.
Over to Willow Bay. Now many people have already finished the race. My coach is done and enjoying some calorically ladened junk food. Down to the turn around...wait are those people in front of me that I might pass? Yes I think they are. Turn around and back. One more leg to go. Eight plus miles in and I am not quite dead yet. I hurt. I am exhausted. My head wants to explode. I keep going. It starts to rain.
I never saw lightening nor heard thunder and it was a chilly rain, but now I am truly badass...running my first half marathon in the rain. Oh yeah. In the park we have bike EMTs. I see a few of them riding around and I am sure they want to make sure I am not going to drop on the side of the road and need an IV or resuscitating or anything like that. They have been circling me like sharks circling a wounded whale since about mile six. Wait are they speaking to me? When did sharks learn to talk...wait am I hallucinating? They are talking to me. They are telling me the race directors are calling the race and I am to head to the finish line and not do the West Trail. WAIT WAIT WAIT...WHAT? Must pass the people in front of me. Must pass the people in front of me. Must pass the people in front of me...even if the race is shortened. I pass them.
I am only at mile eight something. I head back to the finish line. I cross the finish line so I guess technically I am a finisher even with only going nine something miles. There seemed to be quite a bit of confusion about the race being called, but it is what it is. Funny thing is people were surprised to see me. Well of course they were. It is just over two hours and I am across the finish line.
In a way I was relieved it was shortened for me. I wasn't feeling it. It was a really hard run for me. I am exhausted mentally, physically and even emotionally. Training for a marathon is difficult - no it is really really really hard, especially for me being such a slow runner and it sucks most days. I am losing my motivation and just want this to be done. I am not even sure I can do 26.2. Self doubt is everywhere. I hate it.
On a positive note speedwork today felt pretty good and any good run at this point I will take.
Oh remember the people I worked so hard to pass at the end of the race? When they crossed the finish line (they weren't too far behind me either) everyone started singing Happy Birthday. Yep one of the runners it took me 8+ miles to pass was celebrating his 80th birthday. Yep, I am just THAT badass.
Friday, September 7, 2012
The first 13.1 - Going Half Crazy - Pre-race
Tomorrow is my first half-marathon.
Did I just utter those words? Out loud? Put them in print? For all the world to see? Holy crap. What am I thinking? I must have lost my mind. I am terrified.
I have been part of a running training group since the beginning of the year and part of a marathon training group since May. I run with great people...amazing people...people that inspire and drive me every time I step out the door. I have an amazing coach who has brought this goal closer to me. Who has shown me I CAN do this. I can cross the start line and the finish line in the same day :) Thank you.
Of course all this awesomeness can't go unnoticed by the irony gods. Wednesday I got a massive sinus infection. Oh yeah. Yep, the kind with uncontrolled snot dripping out of my nose, sneezing, unbelievable pressure inside my head and the overwhelming desire to sleep. I can be ditzy anyway, but add a nasty sinus issue on and wham I am a total flake. I am simply pleased I remembered I have a race tomorrow let alone that I had to go pick up my number and such today. I feel slightly better right now and I figure if I can make it through the first couple of miles I will be golden.
So tonight is prep night. I have never prepped for a 1/2 marathon before, although I have run 13 miles once I have never done it for time (not that any of my times are stellar - but I always find a way to cross the finish line). How do I prep for a 1/2 marathon? Do I do anything different than I would if tomorrow were just a long run...you know a normal 3 hour long run?
Did I just utter those words? Out loud? Put them in print? For all the world to see? Holy crap. What am I thinking? I must have lost my mind. I am terrified.
I have been part of a running training group since the beginning of the year and part of a marathon training group since May. I run with great people...amazing people...people that inspire and drive me every time I step out the door. I have an amazing coach who has brought this goal closer to me. Who has shown me I CAN do this. I can cross the start line and the finish line in the same day :) Thank you.
Of course all this awesomeness can't go unnoticed by the irony gods. Wednesday I got a massive sinus infection. Oh yeah. Yep, the kind with uncontrolled snot dripping out of my nose, sneezing, unbelievable pressure inside my head and the overwhelming desire to sleep. I can be ditzy anyway, but add a nasty sinus issue on and wham I am a total flake. I am simply pleased I remembered I have a race tomorrow let alone that I had to go pick up my number and such today. I feel slightly better right now and I figure if I can make it through the first couple of miles I will be golden.
Speaking of picking up my number and race shirt...I think they are being a bit presumptuous in the shirt design? Finisher??? I haven't even started yet!
So tonight is prep night. I have never prepped for a 1/2 marathon before, although I have run 13 miles once I have never done it for time (not that any of my times are stellar - but I always find a way to cross the finish line). How do I prep for a 1/2 marathon? Do I do anything different than I would if tomorrow were just a long run...you know a normal 3 hour long run?
I have gathered all of my race goodies together so I hopefully don't forget anything.
Dinner tonight was carb lovely...
And now back to the terrified part. I am going to wear my Y Runner shirt. I just want to do right by those I run with...give me strength.
So now I wait. Wait for tomorrow, wait to see what the weather brings, wait to see how my head feels, wait to get to the start line...and wait to finish.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
The meltdown
Okay so today is long run day...
The further I get into this marathon training the less I am liking running. Well not all running - long runs. Today I had a meltdown mid run. There were tears and pouting and whining and more tears and lots of fears and sadness and a whole lot of what the hell am I thinking??? This meltdown came halfway through the run and damnit I couldn't quit because I was like 5+ miles from my car and had no money for a taxi (note to self...carry cash on run for said emergency need). I was going to ask the homeless guy on the corner for some cash for a cab, but my running buddies told me no.
So what was this meltdown all about? I run. I run 6 days a week. I do speedwork. I do base runs. I do long runs. I have been running this way since Januaryish. I feel stuck. I am still ridiculously slow. I haven't lost any weight. It hurts. It just isn't natural for me. I want to quit. I don't know if I can do this marathon thing. How can I can from the measly 12ish miles I am going now to 26.2 miles by November 11? What was I thinking? I am terrified.
It is so difficult to look back and see how far I have come. I do remember when running 30 seconds was unthinkable...and 5 minutes seemed unattainable...a 5k? Not this girl. Now I am running 10 miles...12 miles...and next weekend I will take on my very first ever 1/2 Marathon. It isn't going to be pretty nor will it be speedy in any way, shape, or form, but I have no doubt I will finish.
Bless those souls that ran with me today and kept me going. Your words of encouragement and 'we've all been there' did not go unnoticed. Thank you.
I hope my next entry shall be a little more light...
Runger. It does exist.
The further I get into this marathon training the less I am liking running. Well not all running - long runs. Today I had a meltdown mid run. There were tears and pouting and whining and more tears and lots of fears and sadness and a whole lot of what the hell am I thinking??? This meltdown came halfway through the run and damnit I couldn't quit because I was like 5+ miles from my car and had no money for a taxi (note to self...carry cash on run for said emergency need). I was going to ask the homeless guy on the corner for some cash for a cab, but my running buddies told me no.
So what was this meltdown all about? I run. I run 6 days a week. I do speedwork. I do base runs. I do long runs. I have been running this way since Januaryish. I feel stuck. I am still ridiculously slow. I haven't lost any weight. It hurts. It just isn't natural for me. I want to quit. I don't know if I can do this marathon thing. How can I can from the measly 12ish miles I am going now to 26.2 miles by November 11? What was I thinking? I am terrified.
It is so difficult to look back and see how far I have come. I do remember when running 30 seconds was unthinkable...and 5 minutes seemed unattainable...a 5k? Not this girl. Now I am running 10 miles...12 miles...and next weekend I will take on my very first ever 1/2 Marathon. It isn't going to be pretty nor will it be speedy in any way, shape, or form, but I have no doubt I will finish.
Bless those souls that ran with me today and kept me going. Your words of encouragement and 'we've all been there' did not go unnoticed. Thank you.
I hope my next entry shall be a little more light...
Runger. It does exist.
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