I am afraid to succeed.

Three days in and still standing tall.
Some days you have break throughs some good some just eye opening. Today I had one that was eye opening.
There are so many people that are afraid to fail...I think I lean toward the afraid to succeed. I am smart and talented. I know this. Not because I got a trophy with every try. I lost. I got mad. I got over it.
Now I find that I am terrified to succeed.
How is that possible? How do I undermine myself...why?

How do I get past this?

I am changing my self talk. I am going to take time for me. I am going to exercise and have a cocktail when I need. I am going to become Stewart Smalley and tell myself gosh darn it people like me (of course it won't be that proper). I am going to go in and do my job. I am good at what I do. I am here for a reason. I CAN do this.

Breathe in. Breathe out.
Hold your head up and damnit woman you got this.

Three things I am grateful for today:
- The beautiful clouds and the brilliant sunset.
- Falling asleep to amazing thunderstorms.
- Saving worms.

A fresh start.

A long time gone and a brand new start...

Today I came back to Chicago. For good. I am here. A new city, state, and time zone. 

Tomorrow starts a new job, new title, a new adventure. 

I am terrified. I am excited. I am ready.

I am saying all these things to get ready, to prepare, to psyche myself up. I got this. 

It is hard to leave a place you know. Where comfort surrounds you and ease of knowing is everywhere. 

Change is hard. Change is scary. Change is necessary.

The next two weeks are going to be crazy. We finish packing one house. Move to a new one. Both start new jobs. Become renters and landlords. 

Tonight I will meditate and look back  Breathe deep. 

Tomorrow...we go forward.

Chicago is now home.

GO CUBS!